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 Post subject: joke bloke
PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2007 10:40 pm 
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Location: warminster,wilts
A guy walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a gin and tonic.
The bartender sneers "you ain't frome round here are you boy?"
"Im from Pennysylvania" replies the guy
The bartender asks 'what do you do there?"
The guy repies "i'm a taxidermist"
The bartender laughs "what the hell is that boy?"
the guy looks at him and says "i mount dead animals"
the bartender relaxes and shouts to the rest of the bar "its ok boys, he's one of us!" :lmao :lmao


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2007 10:54 pm 
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:lmao Nice one m8 :smt019

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 Post subject: re bloke joke
PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2007 11:38 pm 
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Location: sunny southyorkshire
:lmao :lmao o them is just the best, I :lmao :lmao :lmao :smt012

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2007 7:42 pm 
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Location: Kerry, Ireland
Gates vs. GM

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "'If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.'

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following
characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........ Twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to
pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and
reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply
accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut
down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times
as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by
a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to
let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed
hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all
over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine OFF.

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MANY ARE CALLED BUT FEW ARE CHOSEN


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2007 7:52 pm 
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A South African gold miner was injured at work and had to have his right leg amputated.
After the operation he was talking to a fellow miner and said "I suppose I'm fucked now, who would ever want a one legged gold digger?"
His mate replied "Try Paul McCartney"

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MANY ARE CALLED BUT FEW ARE CHOSEN


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2007 8:29 pm 
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Love em Mike :lmao :lmao Magic m8... :lmao :smt019

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 Post subject: re mikes post
PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 8:39 am 
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Location: sunny southyorkshire
:lmao :lmao :lmao Now that is so funny mate , fell off my chair :lmao
:lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao pure class :smt012 :lmao :lmao

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 8:20 pm 
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Location: warminster,wilts
Two Texans were having lunch at their favourite restaurant when they noticed a young woman at the next table having trouble breathing. One of the Texans got up, walked over to her table, took her face in his big Texan hands and said, "Kin ya swaller?"

She shook her head 'no.'

"Kin ya breath?"

Again she shakes her head 'no.'

Suddenly, the Texan grabbed her around the waist with one of his big Texan hands, turned her over, pulled up her skirt, and licked her right on the bottom!

The young woman was so shocked that she coughed, causing the food to dislodge!

The big Texan, pulled up her skirt, turned her right side up, tipped his hat and returned to his seat.

His companion sitting there, is stunned:

"I have never seen anything like that in my whole life!" he says to his heroic friend.

"Yep, I tell ya, that Hind Lick maneuver works every time!" :lmao :lmao


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 9:21 pm 
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A blonde driving a Porsche sees another blonde with a Porsche that has broken down on the side of the road. She stops to ask what’s wrong.
The girl with the broken Porsche says, “I just had a look under the hood, and there’s nothing there. Somebody must’ve stolen the engine while I was driving!”
The first blonde says, “Oh, don’t worry, I have a spare in the back of my mine.”

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MANY ARE CALLED BUT FEW ARE CHOSEN


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Apr 15, 2007 9:24 am 
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Location: Kerry, Ireland
> A guy goes to the local county council to apply for a job. The
>interviewer asks him, "Have you been in the service?"
>
> "Yes," he says. "I was in the lebanon for three years"
>
> The interviewer says, "That will give you extra points toward
>employment" and then asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
>
> The guy says, "Yes 100%...a mortar round exploded near me and
>blew my testicles off."
>
> The interviewer tells the guy, " O.K. I can hire you right now.
>The hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow. Come
>in at 10:00 A.M."
>
> The guy is puzzled and says, "If the hours are from 8:00 A.M. to
>4:00 P.M. then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 A.M."
>
> "This is a council job" the interviewer says. "For the first two
>hours we sit around scratching our balls.......no point in you coming in
>for that

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MANY ARE CALLED BUT FEW ARE CHOSEN


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Apr 15, 2007 10:15 am 
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Location: North East
:lmao :lmao :lmao Nice one Mike, I like it :smt012

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WebSites www.covin.co.uk - - & - - www.vwkd.co.uk - - & - - www.flat4dubs.co.uk
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I LOVE RUST ME
Patent Pending "The Ultimate In Rust Remedy"


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri May 25, 2007 12:05 am 
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Location: parksville bc.canada

:lmao A man walked into a pub carrying a red,long-nosed, short-legged dog.

ugh, that,s an ugly dog, commented a man standing at the bar with is prize bull terrier at is feet.

maybe, replied the first man,but she,s a mean bitch,

oh yeah? listen, i,ll bet you £50 my dog will have chased her off in less than a minute.,

ok, it,s a deal and with that they lined the two dogs up.on the word <attack> the two flew at eah other and in no time at all ,the bull terrier has been bitten in half.

christ ! sobbed the owner, aghast .what the hell kind of dog is that?
the man replied, well, before i docked her tail & painted her red, she was a crocodille :lmao :lmao :lmao

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